I am an Avenger! Dude, no You're Not
by BearTamer
Summary: Sasuke is crying about how he is an Avenger again. However what happens when the real Avengers show up? I'll tell you what happens, shit gets real. Rated T for strong language.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is probably one of the stupidest stories I have ever written, but this had to be done. I own no characters Please R & R when finished.

Chapter 1: Enter the Avengers

"You don't understand me at all Naruto and you never will!" Sasuke complained in his most emo voice ever. "Don't you get it you loser? I AM AN AVENGER!"

For some reason Naruto smiled and said, "I do understand you Sasuke and I will knock some sense into you by using…" There was a dramatic pause in Naruto's statement to add dramatic effect. Everything became still tumbleweed rolled between Naruto and Sasuke despite the fact that they were in the mountains, it was as if the entire world wanted to hear Naruto's proclamation. Naruto drew in his breath and shouted in his most serious voice "… THE POWER OF LOVE!"

Before Sasuke could utter an emo retort there was a loud bang and the space between Naruto and Sasuke which has somehow increased greatly in the past few microseconds and for some unknown reason turned into a flat plain began distorting greatly. There was another loud bang and a large winged ship began to appear out of the distorted space. Naruto and Sauske quickly jumped back. "Kakashi sensei, what the hell is that thing?" Naruto asked with a mixture of understandable concern and curiosity.

"Not sure, but keep your guard up. We don't know if this is a friend or foe" Kakashi calmly stated grabbing his Kunai getting ready for a potential fight. Naruto nodded in agreement and made five shadow clones just to test the waters so to speak. Just then in a mighty whoosh a great door opened on the ship and out stepped six strangely dressed figures. One was wearing a bright red metal suit with golden accents and glowing eyes, another was also wearing metal but not nearly as much as the first and he carried a hammer with him. The third was probably the most ridiculous looking wearing a red, white and blue suit with stupid looking wings and a round shield with a star on it. The fourth and fifth seemed to be together seeing as how they were both all black however the male was wearing a quiver of arrows and a bow slung over his back and the female was wearing a skintight cat suit with stiletto heel s so it was almost certain that she was skilled in martial arts and could run ridiculously fast despite wearing heels, and is there any doubt that she has a machine gun hidden on her somewhere?

The sixth and last one however was wearing a simple outfit with a white lab coat and glasses. Despite the man's seemingly harmless appearance Kakashi leaned toward Naruto and said "watch out for that one. I'm not sure why but I have this feeling he is the most dangerous one in the bunch." Naruto nodded in understanding.

Before Kakashi could calmly greet the strange alien beings Sauske had to ruin it by being an attention grabbing drama queen emo king whore screaming "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND HOW DARE YOU TAKE AWAY MY SPOTLIGHT BY ACTUALLY BEING INTERESTING CHARACTERS!"

Of course the six strange figures being the adults they were, completely ignored Sauske's stupid whoremonger comment and looked toward Kakashi and Naruto. The man in the ridiculous looking outfit began to speak "Do not worry, we do not wish to fight you. We are here merely by accident and apologize for any damage we might have caused."

Kakashi began to relax and so did Naruto. They could tell that the man was telling the truth despite their ridiculous manner of dress. Naruto could no longer be diplomatic and asked straight up "Who are you guys?"

"We, young man are a collection of Marvel's greatest superheroes. Individually we are Captain America"

"Iron Man"

"Thor: God of Thunder"

"Hawkeye"

"Black Widow"

"And Bruce Banner"

"But together we are known as The Avengers" Captain America proclaimed as six of them did a freaking epic pose with an unexplainable grungy and yet at the same elegant backdrop with dramatic music showing off how ridiculously sexy they were.


	2. Chapter 2: Your an Avenger? OMG So am I

Chapter 2: You're an Avenger? OMG So am I!

Sauske almost felt like crying, but of course that wouldn't happen you know being emo and all that jazz. However the fact that these freaks called themselves Avengers did the inhumanly impossible task of piquing Sauske's interest. "Excuse me did you call yourselves avengers?"

Iron Man turned toward Sauske and said with cockiness in his voice, "You bet kid. We call ourselves that because in our first battle I told Loki straight up if we can't save the Earth we can damn well sure avenge it."

Sauske could not help but brag to the strangers "Well I too am an avenger." This catches the attention of the other avengers.

"Oh? What makes you an avenger young man?" Captain America asked with great interest.

"Stop, you don't know what you're getting into. He's about to go into cliché emo flashback mode!" Kakashi warned.

'Don't worry man." Iron Man assured. "We're used to tragic back stories."

"I tried to warn them, come on Naruto let's go do something progressive and yet be completely ignored because we are not Uchiha." While Naruto and Kakashi went off to solve the World hunger crisis and find a cure to cancer Sauske began to tell his back story.

**Warning Emo back story ahead. If such stories make your brain cringe to the point of having a seizure please skip this part by looking for the *** and pick up reading from there.

"When I was very young my brother Itachi and I were quite close, however he began acting strange and one night he killed my entire clan leaving only me to live calling me unworthy to kill. Then he told me if I wanted to kill him I should harbor my hatred toward him. So I did and many years later after betraying my home and friends by walking the path of darkness with Orochimaru I gained the strength I needed and successfully killed my brother.

However a man named Madara came to me and told me that Itachi was actually a double agent. You see apparently the Uchiha were planning a coup de tat of Konoha and Itachi feared it would lead to another war so by order of the village elders Itachi killed our family. However he made a mistake by not killing me. You see by not killing me Itachi was basically making a statement that my life was more important than the villages. Itachi didn't want me to know the truth, he wanted to die a criminal at my hands and he wants me to move on with my life. He died at my hands with a smile on his face. However I cannot do what Itachi wishes because to me his life was more precious than that of the village's so now I must destroy Konoha."

*** Emo back story over it's okay you can start reading again.

The real Avengers stared at Sauske simply dumbstruck. "Are you fucking stupid or something kid?" Iron Man asked.

Captain America looked at Iron Man "Normally I would condone you for using such language but I have to agree with you on this." He then looked toward Thor "What do you think Thor seeing as how you also had a problem with your brother being evil you might be the only one who can find something redeemable in this kid's story."

Thor sighed, "Well, this Itachi sounds like he was an interesting character a real antihero till the end I'm quite impressed. However there is something I don't understand, and that's why would you want to destroy Konoha, not only does it go against your brother's wishes of peace but you said yourself that Itachi himself chose to die at your hands and that you killed him. How is that the village's fault?"

Sauske instead of answering Thor's completely reasonable and logical questions began whining like a little faggot about how these so called Avengers did not understand him.

"What a baby" Black Widow sighed "Yo Cap would you mind if kicked his ass like his ass has never been kicked before?"

"I'm with Widow on this one Cap, I have a strong desire to shoot arrows at this kid's eyes though I don't know why" Hawkeye grinned unusually maliciously readying two of his sharpest arrows.

Before Captain America could say anything Bruce Banner broke the tense air by speaking, "Excuse me but I may have a theory as to why he is acting like that."

Everyone stopped because the rest of the Avengers knew that when Bruce Banner spoke you listened.


	3. The Brilliant Theory of Banner

Chapter 3: Bruce Banner's Brilliant Theory/Beating up Sauske

"Alright this is not my area of expertise but I am going to think like a psychologist and I have this theory that may explain this kid's way of thinking." Bruce sighed "His problem is with bonds."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sauske barked.

"Yes please elaborate Banner"

Banner began to shift uncomfortably "Well you see I think this kid is afraid of making new bonds because he doesn't want to go through something like he did with Itachi again. He wants to eradicate any possibility of forming a close relationship with someone he already said that he left his home and friends so obviously he wasn't that close to them. However he is afraid that if he returns to his home he might rekindle bonds of strong friendship but let us not also forget that he walked the path of evil so there might be confusion and boom instant repeat of the incident between him and his brother.

Another possibility is that he simply does not wish to take responsibility for his actions of killing his brother. By twisting the story he has been told about his brother's past he has somehow found a way to blame the village for the death of his brother. However I must ask you something young man, are you a true avenger if you take out those who have nothing to do with your brother's death?"

Did Sauske see the error of his ways? Did he admit that perhaps Banner might be onto something a possible opportunity to give him* gulp depth? HELL NO! Sauske is a Class A Emo Bitch! Anything that gives this character logical depth and character deeper than a picometer (that's 1*10^-12) of piss, is automatically dismissed as pure and utter nonsense. Pfft silly reader thinking you might have read an interesting theory on Sauske's character.

So Sauske went into Super Emo mode saying how he was going to kill the Avengers even though the only thing they did was ask completely understandable questions. Hell one of them even tried to make sense of his behavior defending him , but did Sauske care? Reader please! This is an emotionless (ooh is that what emo is short for?), dramatic, pretentious, overly exposed, overpowered, bitchy, whiny, drama queen, who doesn't give a flying Peking duck.

Bruce Banner sighed and began unbuttoning his shirt and taking off his pants.

"Banner what are you doing?" Iron Man asked.

"This kid is making me angry and I this is my favorite shirt," Banner replied cooly.

""Oh shit, Emo Kid you'd better run for your life." However it was far too late Banner had already changed into the incredible hulk. All of his clothes were gone except for a pair of ridiculously stretchy boxers.

Hulk was already at least 200 feet in the air about to pound Sauske's brain (or lack thereof) into the ground.

"HULK…!" He screamed.

"Hold on a sec big guy." Iron man interrupted.

At that moment Hulk defied gravity hovering mere inches above Duck-butt Head Sauske Uchiha. "WHY!"

"Well we can't just smash him we're not Part of his world." Iron Man sang

"Actually we were bought by Disney." Sauske replied.

"Really us too." Hawkeye said.

Not knowing whether they were in fact part of each other's world Iron Man flew to find Naruto and Kakashi and ask them for their blessing to kick the crap out of the Emo King himself. Using his highly advanced computer and the power of friendship (even though they had just met like not even 20 minutes ago) Iron Man successfully located Naruto and Kakashi.

"Hey would you mind if we fucked the emo kid's shit up?"

"Sure go for it." Kakashi replied nonchalantly.

"Thank you."

Iron Man returned and delivered the happy news that they were allowed to kick the crap out of Sauske. Hulk was so happy he cried tears of joy as he smashed Sauske's skull in. Trying to access the sharingan Sauske barely had time before Hawkeye gouged his eyes out with the arrows and Black Widow shot him up so much that he turned into swiss cheese.

Not wanting to miss out on the fun Thor struck with his mighty hammer. At that moment Sauske readied a chidori to which Thor responeded "Bitch please. I am the motherfucking God of Thunder." And he returned the chidori 1 million fold stronger leaving Sauske paralyzed.

Unfortunately before they could finish Sauske off thanks to plot no jutsu Samuel Jackson (sorry) Nick Fury appeared and said as I quote, "Will you motherfucking Avengers quit playing around and get back to the motherfucking ship before I motherfucking kick your motherfucking ass."

So the Avengers left a bloody should be dying Sauske and somehow got back to the right dimension and never returned again.

The End


End file.
